Learning about stillness/update from Australia

I was re-reading some of my old blog posts, just to see the journey that my mind has taken to get me where I am today. Or should I say, where God has taken me. I think I want to bring up a point that I wrote in August and expand on it. Here's what I said:

There is something about stillness. I'm not sure I can put my finger on it, but God created it for a reason and when God is given your stillness, He uses it and responds to our effort. When you ask God to quiet your mind and your heart, it allows Him to sink in. For Him to become reality, its like He reveals His kingdom not just to you, but in you. You start to become filled with His wisdom, start to live a life centered on the only one worth centering your life on. The inner transformation of your life is critical and important to God. It's where God makes His home and His Spirit advises. Stop worrying about what your going to do tomorrow, focus on turning your inside into something that IS God's.

I spent the last week in a small town of Roma, Austrlia. We stayed at a church, doing service projects, teaching Religious Education classes in the public schools for 3rd graders and leading a youth group. It was much more relaxing than the previous two weeks and we had a lot of time to spend with each other. Most mornings consisted of breakfast at 8am and then worship/prayer time from 9am-10:30. One morning we spent 15 minutes as a group in silence, just listening and waiting on the Lord. Here's what I realized in that 15 minutes devoted to silence: before I came to YWAM I was a little scared that the amount of time praying, worshiping and quiet time etc.. was going to be hard on my mind. I was afraid that I would get worn out emotionally, physically and spiritually.

HA, looking back on it I feel silly even thinking that, but I honestly think thats the way people view "religion". As an activity that takes something from them and then you just become tired and want to move onto something different in order to regain the energy you once had. This is NOT how Jesus intended it to be. He says over and over again how His burden is light and His yoke is easy (Matthew 11). And how He makes me lie down in green pastures, He wants to lead us beside quiet waters and restore our soul (Psalm 23). A quick note on the Psalm 23 passage: A lot of times people assume this means that they have to do something in order to lie down in green pastures. We insert "I" when it clearly says "HE". This week I encourage you to take some time for stillness, tell Father that you believe Him when He says HE will restore your soul and that you don't need to work for that "light burden" because He has already taken it. In essence, BELIEVE WHAT HE HAS ALREADY SAID. I think this process will start to shift our thinking and our religious mindsets as to what church/religion is really like. We should enjoy God because He enjoys being with us! =)

We also got to celebrate Thanksgiving American style in Australia! I am so thankful for the group of people I am with, I can't imagine doing this DTS with anyone else :)

 

And here's one of the beach we went to on the Great Barrier Reef :)

Update on Australia

First off: My friends Bobby and Anna are getting married today!!!! Congrats Guys! Wish I could be there!

Ahh, its been a MONTH since I have updated this blog, it's weird to think that I haven't updated the internet world on what's been happening in my life for that long. BUT, do not fear, I am alive and well and have been learning a lot. Here's a quick update:

We have been traveling around Australia to small country towns for the last three weeks. The first week we were in Tenterfield helping to complete "The Pass it on Tour". Our base traveled to 17 different towns, putting on after school events, working with local churches, teaching Scripture classes in public schools, doing service projects and having an event every night in a huge tent. The event usually consisted of worship, a talk on the Father Heart of God and lots of prayer. It was a crazy week of 70 YWAMers sleeping in a smallish room in a church, showering only once all week at a local public pool, being busy from 7am till 10pm at night, playing with children in a giant blow up soccer field and learning the local games of Australia. Although it was tiring, and it consisted of me getting sick on Friday and missing that day's activities, IT WAS SO WORTH IT. The friends we made, the impact we had and the lessons that I learned from a God that is jealous for His children was incredible. I learned to stand on God and now am starting to understand the verse "The joy of the Lord is my strength." Shout out to all the people in Tenterfield, you guys are amazing! Please know that you don't need us, God is with you all the time and is waiting for you to respond to His love. Everything that you give to Him is so worth it! :)

The next two weeks were a little less crazy, we went to Beaudesert and stayed on the floor of a Baptist church, took showers at a local primary school (1 at a time), did a lot of service projects, taught a couple  Scripture classes at a public school and then went to a couple different churches on Sunday to share a message and who we are as YWAM. This past week we went to a YWAM base in Toowoomba, AND GUESS WHAT! WE HAD BEDS AND SHOWERS! Haha, I know its not a big deal to you guys, but to us it was amazing. Waking up every day and taking a shower seemed like a new experience. Why do we need to shower every day anyways? ;)  It was a great week of lectures, our speaker (Pablo) runs a YWAM base in south Australia. His heart for people is incredible and I will be forever grateful of the time he took to teach us.

Well, that's about it, I have another blog post in the making which I will post before we leave again for 4 weeks next Saturday. Until then, may God bless you and keep you.

I am the END

The last couple days has been a whirl wind of experiences and I'm still trying to process all that has happened, but one thing I know more than anything is that God deserves all of me. I have been asking God to take me wherever He wants me, to teach and mold me into someone who can be used for His Kingdom. This is what Father God told me: Intimacy is the answer. He said "I am not a means to an end, I am the end." Whoa! Strong words and it made me re-think everything.

For the past two years I have been praying and asking God for things: freedom from sin, overcoming situations, strength, wisdom, faith, open ears to hear His voice, eyes that see the way Father sees the world etc. etc. etc. I'm not saying that these are terrible things to ask for or that we shouldn't ask, because Jesus told us to ask the Father.  Luke 11:9 "And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you" and James 1:5 "If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him."

So, what was I missing? It wasn't like God hadn't been answering my prayers, because He had been, He was teaching me what it looks like to live a life with Him. BUT, I had been missing the point, I was always thinking about how I could go effect others or change the world for God's Kingdom. God said, "Those are good things, but don't worry about them. All I want is you, the end goal is ME." God has given me a passion to know Him and to know His Word. I just want intimacy with God, I want to wake up every morning and spend time with Father, not for answers, but just for Him. God will speak, I guarantee it, but have you ever thought to just go get coffee with God? Or spend an entire morning not saying or asking for anything? Just listening and "hanging out" with God? Talk with Him like He's right next to you, because He is right next to you :) It's amazing what He will teach you through that silence. Maybe, instead of expecting an answer to a question, God can actually say what He has wanted to say for a long time.

Be encouraged today because: Romans 8:21 "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

God's child

I feel as though it's been a long time since I have updated this blog. I'm not sure if that's because my experience in Australia has been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences or just because I feel as if I have been here about 6 months, when in reality its only been a month. Let's get right into what I want to say.

Life on the YWAM base is awesome. Every day is filled with prayer, worship, teaching and amazing people who are here for God. I have never been surrounded by so many people who all want the same thing: Jesus. They want to know Him, find Him, seek Him, know His voice, know how He feels and go after Him with everything they have. They are willing to lay down their own dreams and desires and do whatever He says. They want to change and be transformed so that God's glory and kingdom will be spread to the ends of the earth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they are perfect and don't make mistakes, but they want to love the way Christ loves and tell the world that Jesus is life.

If you ever get to the chance to be in a community that lifts the name of Jesus higher than anything and then lives it out, DO IT. You can't help but to be changed, God is so evidently working in our lives and we aren't ashamed to say that the only reason is Jesus Christ crucified and resurrected. You see, we live resurrected lives here. Lives of victory, hope, perseverance, love, peace and abundant joy because He promised us life and life to the fullest. I think one of the most profound things I have been learning is to live a life that measures up to who I am. I am a child of the Creator, seated in heavenly places with God and I have been given authority on this earth. Not because what I did or what I do, but because God said so and God's words are truth and life. When God speaks, truth reigns. Over the past 27 years of my life I have been speaking over myself things that God hasn't said. I think we all do this to some extent. We tell ourselves who we are, what we are worth, what we can and can't do, but in reality the only thing we are is what God says we are. I am in the process of realigning my thoughts to what God has said through Scripture. I am taking the promises of God and making them mine, because they are mine!

 1 John ^{3:9   "}No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God."

Ephesians 1: 4-5 "even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will"

Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

YWAM part 1

I'm here in Australia and I feel as if I need to update all of you on some of my crazy adventures, not in the physical realm, but in the deep places of my life that are being challenged. The past 10 days since I arrived has brought many different emotions, expectations, friendships, challenges, but more importantly, God. At the moment, there are so many thoughts inside my head that this blog may seem to be all over the place, this is because I feel as though my insides are everywhere. At one point I want more, and at the next I am questioning and working out what "more" looks like, what it feels like and how to respond. So here is my response:

This is a lifestyle, not a moment. Jesus is a lifestyle, the Holy Spirit is a lifestyle, walking and talking with God is a lifestyle, learning, wisdom, righteousness, holiness are lifestyle words and God is teaching me that all my expectations are possible, but they don't just happen and they certainly don't happen on my timeline. Lifestyle also means that every place I go takes work and effort, I can't expect that because I show up I can bring my world into their world, that all my expectations will be met or that my learning environment will be the same. So, what else has God been teaching me? Two things stand out:
1) I am trying to learn what it means to go after God out of a place of rest:
When I first arrived all I wanted to do was worship, go deep, ask questions, learn, seek God, pray and meet new people who wanted to do the same. Since the start of the Discipleship Training School I have been trying to learn rest, to rest in God instead of striving after Him. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for going after Him, I actually think that you can pursue God out of your place of rest. Interesting concept that God is revealing to me daily. This leads me into the second one.
2) I am learning what my identity is in Christ
Who am I? I am a son of God, but what does that mean and what does that look like from Scripture? Do you find it revealing that Satan tempted Eve by saying "If you eat of the fruit, you will be like God." Is it not interesting that we already are like God? God said in Genesis 1:26 "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness." Be encouraged today, son or daughter of God :)

Australia

I just thought I would let you know that I put a "Donate" button on my blog page and I think I should explain why it's there. Honestly this is one of the most humbling things one can do, people who have asked for money for missions have told me that they have been humbled, blessed, challenged etc. just at the fact that someone would actually donate any amount of money towards what they have been called to do. I will tell you, I am no different. God somehow has used this method for so much good, not just in what the money will accomplish in the physical realm, but to bless the person/organization that receives that money. I have been changed by you, and I thank God for you every day. Don't we serve an awesome God? I think the next thing that I want to say may come out wrong and I'm not sure there are words to describe how strongly I feel towards this subject. So, here it goes: I believe without a shadow of a doubt that prayer is one of THE most important things we can do. Above anything else, prayer is how this world can change (if you missed my blog post on the phrase "changing the world", please read it if you would like to know in more detail what I mean by that). So, I ask for your prayers as I go to Australia. Here are a couple prayer requests:

1) That our team would bond, not only so that I may connect with the people I will be working with, but that we will be effective ministers to others.
2) Protection: Spiritual, because there is a devil who hates when God's work is done. Also, physical.
3) That God would give me a vision for my future and make His call on my life even stronger.

If you want to know more about my six month long Australia trip, please read my first blog post, its called: "1st blog post!!!!" or comment on one of my posts and ask me. Also, I will be keeping everyone updated with pictures and posts through this blog. So please keep reading! =)

I wrote this blog post about a month ago and I wasn't sure when I should put it on the internet. I think a lot of times people get the wrong idea about other people's passions, especially when it comes to religion. But for some reason I feel as though I need to clarify the reason I am going to Australia. Here it is!

I don't think I can tell you how excited I am to go on my adventure, the more I think about my trip to Australia the more over joyed I get. There is so much that is going to happen and all it will take is six months, six months for my life to be totally transformed. I'm not going to Australia so that I can have some life experience that I can look back on and tell my grand kids that I once did something that everyone should do when they are young and don't have anything to hold them back. As if saying, "if you have money and you have a desire to travel then you should do it while your young. Do it at a point in your life when the joys don't outweigh the costs." This is not why I am going to Australia, to fulfill some vague cry in my life that needs an adventure.

Let me tell you why I am going. I am going because I am totally in love with Jesus Christ, a love that can't be described, people will say they love God, but sometimes I wonder if it's possible to understand what is happening inside of me when I tell you that Jesus is my everything. At one point in my life, my everything was crying out for something that wasn't real, that wasn't life giving and I was filling those things with anything I could think of. How can someone understand love? Because I sure don't understand it, I can't quantify it and put it into some graph and add some numbers to it and be like "HERE!" X+Y=whatevertheheck. There are no words to tell you, I can't use some spectacular vocabulary or blow your mind with a unique idea. People have been writing about love for a long time, they put it into poems, into short stories, raps, rhymes etc etc etc.. But really, can we ever stop writing? Can we ever stop dreaming? Those questions are like asking if there is any end to God. I'll tell you, there is no end to God, just as there is no end to love, because God is love.

"I'm convinced that if you are not passionate with your relationship with Jesus, if you are not passionate about worshiping Him, it is because you don't know yet, how much He loves you. " - Kim Walker

Silence

Two blog posts ago I promised the internet world that I would take 10 minutes a day for 2 weeks and give God my silence. It's easier for me to give God time when I am with others, either time in community or time in a more public setting.  I think part of the reason is that I am an extrovert and its much easier to focus, learn and even create stillness within my mind when I'm around others. But when it comes down to spending time alone with God, it was difficult for me, and admittedly still is. There are days when I don't feel like setting aside a longer period of time, even 10 minutes, to spend with God. Note that I would try and have 10 minutes of silence in the morning before breakfast, here's how it went:

One morning would go really well, I would read Scripture and then just set my mind on God. Ask Him to quiet my mind and speak to me. I would feel God's presence, and He would start to allow His reality to take over mine. But the next morning, after being mentally and spiritually stretched the day before, the time I was about to give wouldn't seem as inspirational, or at least as meaningful. It took a lot of will power to take the 10 minutes of silence. I would come up with excuses, like: "Well yesterday went well, so I can skip a day." Or "I'm really hungry, so I'll make breakfast and then I'll take my quiet time." Of course procrastination just leads to more procrastination and then it's nighttime before I had any good alone time. "Good alone time". I think I am still struggling with what that statement means, because I believe that even in our not so profound moments with God, its still "good" because we spent it with God.

The next paragraph is what I wrote in my journal and have been learning over the last month and has only been reinforced with my little experiment over the past two weeks. It's something I believe to be true and will continue to go after as long as I live. My encouragement to you: try it! Give God some stillness and see what He does :)

There is something about stillness. I'm not sure I can put my finger on it, but God created it for a reason and when God is given your stillness, He uses it and responds to our effort. When you ask God to quiet your mind and your heart, it allows Him to sink in. For Him to become reality, its like He reveals His kingdom not just to you, but in you. You start to become filled with His wisdom, start to live a life centered on the only one worth centering your life on. The inner transformation of your life is critical and important to God. It's where God makes His home and His Spirit advises. Stop worrying about what your going to do tomorrow, focus on turning your inside into something that IS God's.

You know I'm not worth it

I woke up from a dream that I was struggling to remember, my thoughts were twisted around a couple phrases and all I could think of to say is "You know I'm not worth it." That thought played in my mind, but not the kind of play that is fun and inviting, but the other kind, when playful turns into the kids in your neighborhood laughing and mocking you. Making you feel lower and allowing your self esteem to talk to the rest of who you are. That thought and those words spoken in my bed that morning are a part of so many people and I am not too perfect to admit that I am above saying those words. Actually, it would be more fitting to say that sometimes I actually start to believe what comes through my head and out of my mouth. I have a thing when it comes to speaking. When I speak I believe that things become more real and if you prod my thinking even further, sometimes I'm afraid to talk because then what I say may become reality. And who really knows if what I say should become real? I think that this mostly is applied when it comes to my past, but speaking things can effect the future and failure in the future is something I do not want.

So, back to my original point, I said "You know I am not worth it." Of course I was talking to God when I said those words, making them somewhat of a reality. The next thought that popped into my head was: "Or do you?". I think it's interesting that it came in the form a question. I didn't get a reply that I was looking for, instead I got a question. It's kind of like Job, do you remember the story of Job? He lost everything around him, he lost all his livestock, home, money and then he lost his ENTIRE family all at once. If there was any person on the face of the earth that had a right to question God, it was Job. What was God's response? Questions, actually lots of questions. I'm sure Job was not expecting this type of answer, if he was expecting any answer it was surely not that. But that was it, and that's what I got: "Or do you?". I know that this question is much different from the ones Job received, but it's what I needed because it got me thinking. Does God really think that I AM NOT WORTH IT?? God was asking me, "Have you read Scripture? ANY Scripture at all!?!?" "Have you seen me do crazy things in your life?!" The answer is Yes to those questions and God's answer to you is YES. A big, emphatic, overemphasized, over the top, yelling at the top of His lungs, dancing in heaven, dancing in your heart and mind, absolutely, no doubt about it, if you ask again His answer is still the same: YES!!!! I didn't even think I was worth an answer in any form, I mean the God of the universe shouldn't have the time to answer me, right? It's funny, because Jesus and I are laughing together at the foolish thoughts of man. Be encouraged today :)

Discipline

I have recently been reading a book called "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard Foster. I would recommend this book to anyone, it is beautifully written and easy to understand. He takes his experiences and somehow puts them into words that I find other people can not easily do. He takes you on a journey, not only of his life, but of many other people as well that have taken these Disciplines and made them a lifestyle. He gives practical and meaningful steps, that if taken can lead to some breakthrough's and that is exactly what I need in my life. A breakthrough that lasts and is life giving, something that won't be here today and gone tomorrow. If you have been following my blog, I have talked about this "life giving" term before and it's something that I will be striving for, not just now, but hopefully my whole life. I am pretty certain that there is no climax to this life, as if some time in life is worth more or worth less than any other moment. That if I reach the climax, then life is over because it is all downhill from there. I am not looking for that type of life giving moment, I am looking for a life that is full of moments that lead into other moments because life doesn't just stop. Often, people say, if X happens in my life then I would die happy. I don't believe that, because there is so much to do, so much to experience in this life that there is no one moment that would make my life complete. Anyways, this book has challenged me to make Discipline not just a part of my life, but my actual life. And if I take what I believe, that Jesus is everything to me, then how can I take the Disciplines that Jesus laid out for us and not try it out? I mean, what do I have to lose?

So, for the next couple weeks I am going to take these Disciplines and put them in to practice. Now, in the book, Mr. Foster clearly states that there is no everything or nothing type of mentality. I often get overwhelmed when I think about living out Meditation, Prayer, Fasting etc. in my life to its full extent. As if I have to check off a list every time I do each one and if I'm not focusing my mind on something, then I have failed. It's not everything or nothing, it's something, actually its ANYTHING. I believe that God takes what we give Him and gives us a passion for more, that is, if we ask Him. So, I will ask God for a passion to spend with Him, ask Him for a passion to reading His Word and ask Him to speak to me through the time that I give. I will devote 10 minutes a day to quiet. That will involve:, prayer, reading Scripture and then just quieting my mind and focusing on God. And then I will update you guys on how it goes! =)

One quote from the book and something that I am excited to do:

 "The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that He can transform us."

Defining moments

Who are you? If I asked you that question, what would you say? How do you define yourself? I think sometimes I define myself by my moments, you know those moments I am talking about. The ones in which you put above all the rest, somehow you raise those times in your mind and when something happens in your life you automatically think of those "defining moments". I hate and love that term at the same time, because it is so easy for me to take a moment in my life and make it mine, something that I point to. When disappointment or failure reaches a climax, I have a moment that I think of  and bring myself back to. Telling myself I am no more than this failure or that height, as if I can't reach past it and if I do, I only grab air because there is nothing beyond it. There is no part of me that can possibly be beyond that moment because I have defined myself by it.

But there are other moments: do you have moments of inspiration when you feel as though you could rap, rhyme, create a beautiful sentence or just be creative? As though anything that comes through your head and out of your mouth is like poetry and its something unique, as if the world hasn't heard your thoughts or least those words put into a sentence in that particular way? And then what your write seems to be perfect and it allows your ego to talk to your head, making it bigger and probably bigger than what you expected or what it should actually be. Do you ever feel that way? But it usually ends somewhere, and then that big bubbly head of yours finds a thought that acts as a needle, bursting what you created. Let me tell you what I think about those words you created in your moment of inspiration. It wasn't just a moment and those words are not the only thing worth valuing. The inspiration and the canvas in which that poetry came from is beautiful and worth even more than that bubble you created. You are more than your inspiring moments and you are more than those words or thoughts.

Authentic

I want to revisit my poem that I wrote in my first blog post. I want to let you in on the ramblings and never ending conversation that goes on in my brain and talk about my future. You see, the ocean in my poem represents fear, but also opportunity. I love the ocean, I love sitting on the beach and looking into the never ending expanse before you. I love being hot and sweaty with sand all over and being able to run and jump into an oncoming wave, which washes you clean and allows your body to start adapting to the new temperature. As the current moves you, you get a new feeling of freshness, of starting over, your atmosphere has changed, the land that once was at your feet is no longer there, it's harder to get to where you want to go. Another observation, it takes all of you to jump in. You can't just throw an arm or a leg into the ocean and expect to get the same sensation. You could just stand on the shore and let the water brush over your feet, but in my poem, I jumped in. I left the dock that I was sitting on, the safety and security that comes with sitting and being comfortable, enjoying the scenery without immersing myself in it.

For the past 26 years of my life, I have been willing and content to sit on the dock and enjoy the scenery. To take what God has given me, be thankful and then move on with my life. I never dreamed that I would actually just jump in, I thought that I would wade in the water, get my feet wet and just have the comfort of knowing that I am safe. That God has all things in control and I would just be content in that knowledge. But, today I tell you, I am jumping in. As I put in my poem, I can feel authenticity, and that's what I am looking for. I want it to be real, I have found lots of things in this world that aren't real and its time to go for it. As mewithoutyou (a band that I have grown to enjoy) puts it:

"I don't know anything about truth,
but I know falsehood when I see it,
and it looks like this whole world you've made"

Today is real, and tomorrow has more authenticity than the day before. Each time I throw myself into God, the more truth I get. It's not easy, and that's an understatement. God doesn't promise easy, he promises life and life abundant, which is what I want and need. I can absolutely say that today is more life giving than a lot of my days prior and I can say without hesitating that tomorrow and the years to come will be more life giving than today. You have to understand that the term "life giving" doesn't mean an easy existence in this world. When you find life, you will know it and then you will start to live it. Actually, it looks a lot like love, because love can grow and transform who you are.

"Whispers that change the world"

I recently read a book called "The Power of a Whisper" by Bill Hybels, who is the pastor of Willow Creek church in Chicago. If anyone is unfamiliar with him, the church he pastors has an average attendance of 24,000 on Sunday. I never really took any notice of him, there a plenty of large churches in the United States and I have never been one to love the larger churches atmosphere, I feel as though its too easy to get lost in the crowd. Perhaps that is one reason why I went to a smaller college. Anyways, one of the chapters in the book he wrote is called "Whispers that change the World". Before I get too far into this, I would just like to say that I would recommend this book to anyone who may be struggling with hearing God, obviously this is written from a Christian perspective and has many Biblical principals intertwined. Also, this is very much like a biography of his life, so if any of you want to know more about him, I would suggest picking up a copy.

Over the past couple months I have been struggling with what it means to hear "God's voice". I think that my next blog post may be about that very topic, but for now I want to talk about the phrase "changing the world". We hear this phrase all the time, whether it be from a friend, on TV, in a movie, in a history textbook or simply in our minds, the thought of changing the world has come up in that crazy head of yours at some point in your life. The problem for me is not so much the phrase itself, but what those words imply. What do you think of when I ask: "who changed the world?". Now, what do you think of when I say, "go change the world". My first thought is: "Where do I start?" or "I'm so unqualified" or "This world is so crazy, how am I going to make a difference?". As soon as you use the words "changing the world" you automatically exclude people from the conversation, even if you don't mean to. I certainly thought I was excluded from changing any part of this world. Bill Hybels took his chapter on changing the world in a completely different direction than I thought he would and if you want to know what he talked about then you have to read the book. But, my beef is with the title because of what it implies.

Over the last couple years my life has been radically trasformed. Not in the sense that I am a completely different person, I still have the same mannerisms, corks, quiet nature and weird habbits, but the inside of me has changed, the stuff you can't see. I am living for a different purpose, I have joy and life that I didn't have before and if you were able to talk to me about my passions two years ago and then now, you would see something new, except for football and the Redskins;) I think I am a personal example of what it looks like to have the world change. You see, I have learned that changing the world isn't about fixing all of our problems, or creating equality, or balancing a budget, or finding a way to end world hunger, or to bring peace to every country on earth. Changing the world is about changing someone in your life for the better or to put it another way, allowing God to use you to alter someone in your life. When someone changes, congratulations! YOU just changed the world. Because they are part of this world! Aren't they? If you look at the life of Jesus, who I would argue changed the world and many historians would agree with me, it brings up a question: what did he really do? He didn't create a physical empire, he didn't change the laws, or the tax code, he didn't go to war and win a lot of battles, he didn't become king or even pope. If you look at the stories of Jesus, he hung out with 12 of his closest friends and was with the poor a lot and he changed the world, because he changed the individual, he SAW the individual for who they were. My encouragement to you is: don't think that you can't change the world, YOU are a part of this world and so are the people around you. If you say today, "God allow me to pour into one person so they become a disciple of you" and then follow through, you will change the world and they will help you.

Vulnerability part 1

So for my second post I thought I would walk down memory lane and without getting into to much detail, allow some of you in a little deeper into my life. For some reason I like to keep my story to myself and only let little tidbits about my journey slip out of my mouth to certain people, or maybe just the people who ask. Either way, I guess you could call me shy or not very outspoken, but typing on a computer screen seems much less daunting than sitting in front of you and letting out my deepest darkest secrets. So, with that, lets dive into the last two years of my life.

Two years ago, my life completely changed, and one day I will be able to write about that moment, but until then, just know that I am different than I was before. The crazy part is, I know that I had nothing to do with my transformation because something this deep, something this real, couldn't be me. If I had to boil down what happened into one word it's this: vulnerability. I became more vulnerable than I have in my whole life in that moment. We spend our whole lives creating walls, around our hearts or around our minds. There are a plethora of reasons for this and I think some of my reasons are similar to yours. But, the one reason that stood above them all: I was unsure. I couldn't make up my mind about anything: what I wanted to be, where I wanted my life to go or end up, who I was going to marry, what job I would have, where I fit in.....

But then I had a key handed to me and all I had to do was open the door. Although I feel that I didn't use the key, more like a crowbar to open that door, it opened and then it happened. I was set on a journey of truth and of life, real and good life that I'm not sure I had before, or at least to this extent.

Vulnerability, I feel as though I can write a book on this topic and I am sure that I will revisit this as my blog continues and my writing style takes on a life of its own. But, that's the key, yes that's the key to the door I mentioned. God doesn't want our walls: he wants our hearts, minds and yes even our questions and doubts. He was asking me my whole life to be vulnerable, He was asking me if I would be willing to change, not some forced change that I brought upon myself. No, but asking Him to change me, however that looked like. I didn't have some magic formula, I simply asked and told God that He had my time if He wanted it. Ok, well its 1am and I'm not sure what else to write, soooo goodnight! =)

1st post!!!!

Hey guys!!!!!!! I can't believe I'm finally starting my own blog, I have talked about doing this for a while now and since I finally feel as though I have something worth writing about, well, here it goes!

You will have to excuse my poor writing at first, I don't think I have written anything beyond e-mail substance since I graduated college in 2009. So you will have to bear with all the kinks and bumps along the way, but honestly that pretty much describes my life, so maybe its perfect that you get a few flaws. I want to start by saying thank you! First, for giving me some time to interrupt your busy life and infuse some of my crazy thoughts into your day. Thanks for reading! Second, thank you to everyone that has been a part of my life. I wouldn't be where I am today without you, you know who you are.

So, just to get some of you up to speed and give you an idea about what I will be writing about, I am headed to Brisbane Australia on August 18th for 6 months!! I am going on a DTS (Discipleship Training School) for 6 months with an organization called YWAM (Youth with a Mission). My life in Australia will be a crazy one, filled with tons of activities, working with kids, teaching, reading, praying, writing, meeting new people and exploring Australia. The DTS that I got accepted for is called "Beach to Bush". Which pretty much means that I will be backpacking all through Australia as we literally go from their beaches to their "Bush". During this time I expect to be stretched mentally, physically and spiritually as I get to experience God in new and exciting ways. Anyways, I will be writing more about this later and when I am in Australia I will be posting about my experience along with pictures of their beautiful country.

To start this blog off I thought I would do something abstract that maybe will pique some of your interests, that is, if some of you have a secret place in your heart for poetry, as I do. I wrote this poem about a month ago, describing a little bit of my life and its future. Enjoy!

Sitting on the dock looking into beautiful fear

The ocean spread like a canvas with its waves splashing color off the 2D image

Making it 3D

The wind crashing on my face and through my hair

Filling my lungs

Salt, feels heavy and causes a cough

Reminding me that this is no easy task

Another glance at the expanse shows beauty sitting

Waiting to be played in

Another wave and crash of lightning brings reality

The water is playing on my cheeks, cold water

The splendor laid before me looks inviting

“Jump!” my mind says to the body

Is this real? Could it be, that reality isn’t defined in 2D?

Those questions tear at my heart as I fix my eyes on the clouds above

Clouds that are filled with electricity lighting up the scenery around me

The picture around me surprises my thoughts

It looks so very like my heart

Waves, lightning, moon, salt, expanse, even the dock I am sitting on

Possibilities of the ocean are endless, if only I would jump

Frightening and pathetic views of my own self are overshadowed by the images my brain is trying to comprehend

But memories don’t go away so easily and neither do past failures

Authenticity is so close I can feel it, its on my face and in my lungs

Its in the clouds and in the ocean

I jump