You know I'm not worth it

I woke up from a dream that I was struggling to remember, my thoughts were twisted around a couple phrases and all I could think of to say is "You know I'm not worth it." That thought played in my mind, but not the kind of play that is fun and inviting, but the other kind, when playful turns into the kids in your neighborhood laughing and mocking you. Making you feel lower and allowing your self esteem to talk to the rest of who you are. That thought and those words spoken in my bed that morning are a part of so many people and I am not too perfect to admit that I am above saying those words. Actually, it would be more fitting to say that sometimes I actually start to believe what comes through my head and out of my mouth. I have a thing when it comes to speaking. When I speak I believe that things become more real and if you prod my thinking even further, sometimes I'm afraid to talk because then what I say may become reality. And who really knows if what I say should become real? I think that this mostly is applied when it comes to my past, but speaking things can effect the future and failure in the future is something I do not want.

So, back to my original point, I said "You know I am not worth it." Of course I was talking to God when I said those words, making them somewhat of a reality. The next thought that popped into my head was: "Or do you?". I think it's interesting that it came in the form a question. I didn't get a reply that I was looking for, instead I got a question. It's kind of like Job, do you remember the story of Job? He lost everything around him, he lost all his livestock, home, money and then he lost his ENTIRE family all at once. If there was any person on the face of the earth that had a right to question God, it was Job. What was God's response? Questions, actually lots of questions. I'm sure Job was not expecting this type of answer, if he was expecting any answer it was surely not that. But that was it, and that's what I got: "Or do you?". I know that this question is much different from the ones Job received, but it's what I needed because it got me thinking. Does God really think that I AM NOT WORTH IT?? God was asking me, "Have you read Scripture? ANY Scripture at all!?!?" "Have you seen me do crazy things in your life?!" The answer is Yes to those questions and God's answer to you is YES. A big, emphatic, overemphasized, over the top, yelling at the top of His lungs, dancing in heaven, dancing in your heart and mind, absolutely, no doubt about it, if you ask again His answer is still the same: YES!!!! I didn't even think I was worth an answer in any form, I mean the God of the universe shouldn't have the time to answer me, right? It's funny, because Jesus and I are laughing together at the foolish thoughts of man. Be encouraged today :)