"Whispers that change the world"

I recently read a book called "The Power of a Whisper" by Bill Hybels, who is the pastor of Willow Creek church in Chicago. If anyone is unfamiliar with him, the church he pastors has an average attendance of 24,000 on Sunday. I never really took any notice of him, there a plenty of large churches in the United States and I have never been one to love the larger churches atmosphere, I feel as though its too easy to get lost in the crowd. Perhaps that is one reason why I went to a smaller college. Anyways, one of the chapters in the book he wrote is called "Whispers that change the World". Before I get too far into this, I would just like to say that I would recommend this book to anyone who may be struggling with hearing God, obviously this is written from a Christian perspective and has many Biblical principals intertwined. Also, this is very much like a biography of his life, so if any of you want to know more about him, I would suggest picking up a copy.

Over the past couple months I have been struggling with what it means to hear "God's voice". I think that my next blog post may be about that very topic, but for now I want to talk about the phrase "changing the world". We hear this phrase all the time, whether it be from a friend, on TV, in a movie, in a history textbook or simply in our minds, the thought of changing the world has come up in that crazy head of yours at some point in your life. The problem for me is not so much the phrase itself, but what those words imply. What do you think of when I ask: "who changed the world?". Now, what do you think of when I say, "go change the world". My first thought is: "Where do I start?" or "I'm so unqualified" or "This world is so crazy, how am I going to make a difference?". As soon as you use the words "changing the world" you automatically exclude people from the conversation, even if you don't mean to. I certainly thought I was excluded from changing any part of this world. Bill Hybels took his chapter on changing the world in a completely different direction than I thought he would and if you want to know what he talked about then you have to read the book. But, my beef is with the title because of what it implies.

Over the last couple years my life has been radically trasformed. Not in the sense that I am a completely different person, I still have the same mannerisms, corks, quiet nature and weird habbits, but the inside of me has changed, the stuff you can't see. I am living for a different purpose, I have joy and life that I didn't have before and if you were able to talk to me about my passions two years ago and then now, you would see something new, except for football and the Redskins;) I think I am a personal example of what it looks like to have the world change. You see, I have learned that changing the world isn't about fixing all of our problems, or creating equality, or balancing a budget, or finding a way to end world hunger, or to bring peace to every country on earth. Changing the world is about changing someone in your life for the better or to put it another way, allowing God to use you to alter someone in your life. When someone changes, congratulations! YOU just changed the world. Because they are part of this world! Aren't they? If you look at the life of Jesus, who I would argue changed the world and many historians would agree with me, it brings up a question: what did he really do? He didn't create a physical empire, he didn't change the laws, or the tax code, he didn't go to war and win a lot of battles, he didn't become king or even pope. If you look at the stories of Jesus, he hung out with 12 of his closest friends and was with the poor a lot and he changed the world, because he changed the individual, he SAW the individual for who they were. My encouragement to you is: don't think that you can't change the world, YOU are a part of this world and so are the people around you. If you say today, "God allow me to pour into one person so they become a disciple of you" and then follow through, you will change the world and they will help you.

Vulnerability part 1

So for my second post I thought I would walk down memory lane and without getting into to much detail, allow some of you in a little deeper into my life. For some reason I like to keep my story to myself and only let little tidbits about my journey slip out of my mouth to certain people, or maybe just the people who ask. Either way, I guess you could call me shy or not very outspoken, but typing on a computer screen seems much less daunting than sitting in front of you and letting out my deepest darkest secrets. So, with that, lets dive into the last two years of my life.

Two years ago, my life completely changed, and one day I will be able to write about that moment, but until then, just know that I am different than I was before. The crazy part is, I know that I had nothing to do with my transformation because something this deep, something this real, couldn't be me. If I had to boil down what happened into one word it's this: vulnerability. I became more vulnerable than I have in my whole life in that moment. We spend our whole lives creating walls, around our hearts or around our minds. There are a plethora of reasons for this and I think some of my reasons are similar to yours. But, the one reason that stood above them all: I was unsure. I couldn't make up my mind about anything: what I wanted to be, where I wanted my life to go or end up, who I was going to marry, what job I would have, where I fit in.....

But then I had a key handed to me and all I had to do was open the door. Although I feel that I didn't use the key, more like a crowbar to open that door, it opened and then it happened. I was set on a journey of truth and of life, real and good life that I'm not sure I had before, or at least to this extent.

Vulnerability, I feel as though I can write a book on this topic and I am sure that I will revisit this as my blog continues and my writing style takes on a life of its own. But, that's the key, yes that's the key to the door I mentioned. God doesn't want our walls: he wants our hearts, minds and yes even our questions and doubts. He was asking me my whole life to be vulnerable, He was asking me if I would be willing to change, not some forced change that I brought upon myself. No, but asking Him to change me, however that looked like. I didn't have some magic formula, I simply asked and told God that He had my time if He wanted it. Ok, well its 1am and I'm not sure what else to write, soooo goodnight! =)

1st post!!!!

Hey guys!!!!!!! I can't believe I'm finally starting my own blog, I have talked about doing this for a while now and since I finally feel as though I have something worth writing about, well, here it goes!

You will have to excuse my poor writing at first, I don't think I have written anything beyond e-mail substance since I graduated college in 2009. So you will have to bear with all the kinks and bumps along the way, but honestly that pretty much describes my life, so maybe its perfect that you get a few flaws. I want to start by saying thank you! First, for giving me some time to interrupt your busy life and infuse some of my crazy thoughts into your day. Thanks for reading! Second, thank you to everyone that has been a part of my life. I wouldn't be where I am today without you, you know who you are.

So, just to get some of you up to speed and give you an idea about what I will be writing about, I am headed to Brisbane Australia on August 18th for 6 months!! I am going on a DTS (Discipleship Training School) for 6 months with an organization called YWAM (Youth with a Mission). My life in Australia will be a crazy one, filled with tons of activities, working with kids, teaching, reading, praying, writing, meeting new people and exploring Australia. The DTS that I got accepted for is called "Beach to Bush". Which pretty much means that I will be backpacking all through Australia as we literally go from their beaches to their "Bush". During this time I expect to be stretched mentally, physically and spiritually as I get to experience God in new and exciting ways. Anyways, I will be writing more about this later and when I am in Australia I will be posting about my experience along with pictures of their beautiful country.

To start this blog off I thought I would do something abstract that maybe will pique some of your interests, that is, if some of you have a secret place in your heart for poetry, as I do. I wrote this poem about a month ago, describing a little bit of my life and its future. Enjoy!

Sitting on the dock looking into beautiful fear

The ocean spread like a canvas with its waves splashing color off the 2D image

Making it 3D

The wind crashing on my face and through my hair

Filling my lungs

Salt, feels heavy and causes a cough

Reminding me that this is no easy task

Another glance at the expanse shows beauty sitting

Waiting to be played in

Another wave and crash of lightning brings reality

The water is playing on my cheeks, cold water

The splendor laid before me looks inviting

“Jump!” my mind says to the body

Is this real? Could it be, that reality isn’t defined in 2D?

Those questions tear at my heart as I fix my eyes on the clouds above

Clouds that are filled with electricity lighting up the scenery around me

The picture around me surprises my thoughts

It looks so very like my heart

Waves, lightning, moon, salt, expanse, even the dock I am sitting on

Possibilities of the ocean are endless, if only I would jump

Frightening and pathetic views of my own self are overshadowed by the images my brain is trying to comprehend

But memories don’t go away so easily and neither do past failures

Authenticity is so close I can feel it, its on my face and in my lungs

Its in the clouds and in the ocean

I jump