Vulnerability part 1

So for my second post I thought I would walk down memory lane and without getting into to much detail, allow some of you in a little deeper into my life. For some reason I like to keep my story to myself and only let little tidbits about my journey slip out of my mouth to certain people, or maybe just the people who ask. Either way, I guess you could call me shy or not very outspoken, but typing on a computer screen seems much less daunting than sitting in front of you and letting out my deepest darkest secrets. So, with that, lets dive into the last two years of my life.

Two years ago, my life completely changed, and one day I will be able to write about that moment, but until then, just know that I am different than I was before. The crazy part is, I know that I had nothing to do with my transformation because something this deep, something this real, couldn't be me. If I had to boil down what happened into one word it's this: vulnerability. I became more vulnerable than I have in my whole life in that moment. We spend our whole lives creating walls, around our hearts or around our minds. There are a plethora of reasons for this and I think some of my reasons are similar to yours. But, the one reason that stood above them all: I was unsure. I couldn't make up my mind about anything: what I wanted to be, where I wanted my life to go or end up, who I was going to marry, what job I would have, where I fit in.....

But then I had a key handed to me and all I had to do was open the door. Although I feel that I didn't use the key, more like a crowbar to open that door, it opened and then it happened. I was set on a journey of truth and of life, real and good life that I'm not sure I had before, or at least to this extent.

Vulnerability, I feel as though I can write a book on this topic and I am sure that I will revisit this as my blog continues and my writing style takes on a life of its own. But, that's the key, yes that's the key to the door I mentioned. God doesn't want our walls: he wants our hearts, minds and yes even our questions and doubts. He was asking me my whole life to be vulnerable, He was asking me if I would be willing to change, not some forced change that I brought upon myself. No, but asking Him to change me, however that looked like. I didn't have some magic formula, I simply asked and told God that He had my time if He wanted it. Ok, well its 1am and I'm not sure what else to write, soooo goodnight! =)