God's child

I feel as though it's been a long time since I have updated this blog. I'm not sure if that's because my experience in Australia has been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences or just because I feel as if I have been here about 6 months, when in reality its only been a month. Let's get right into what I want to say.

Life on the YWAM base is awesome. Every day is filled with prayer, worship, teaching and amazing people who are here for God. I have never been surrounded by so many people who all want the same thing: Jesus. They want to know Him, find Him, seek Him, know His voice, know how He feels and go after Him with everything they have. They are willing to lay down their own dreams and desires and do whatever He says. They want to change and be transformed so that God's glory and kingdom will be spread to the ends of the earth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they are perfect and don't make mistakes, but they want to love the way Christ loves and tell the world that Jesus is life.

If you ever get to the chance to be in a community that lifts the name of Jesus higher than anything and then lives it out, DO IT. You can't help but to be changed, God is so evidently working in our lives and we aren't ashamed to say that the only reason is Jesus Christ crucified and resurrected. You see, we live resurrected lives here. Lives of victory, hope, perseverance, love, peace and abundant joy because He promised us life and life to the fullest. I think one of the most profound things I have been learning is to live a life that measures up to who I am. I am a child of the Creator, seated in heavenly places with God and I have been given authority on this earth. Not because what I did or what I do, but because God said so and God's words are truth and life. When God speaks, truth reigns. Over the past 27 years of my life I have been speaking over myself things that God hasn't said. I think we all do this to some extent. We tell ourselves who we are, what we are worth, what we can and can't do, but in reality the only thing we are is what God says we are. I am in the process of realigning my thoughts to what God has said through Scripture. I am taking the promises of God and making them mine, because they are mine!

 1 John ^{3:9   "}No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God."

Ephesians 1: 4-5 "even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will"

Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

YWAM part 1

I'm here in Australia and I feel as if I need to update all of you on some of my crazy adventures, not in the physical realm, but in the deep places of my life that are being challenged. The past 10 days since I arrived has brought many different emotions, expectations, friendships, challenges, but more importantly, God. At the moment, there are so many thoughts inside my head that this blog may seem to be all over the place, this is because I feel as though my insides are everywhere. At one point I want more, and at the next I am questioning and working out what "more" looks like, what it feels like and how to respond. So here is my response:

This is a lifestyle, not a moment. Jesus is a lifestyle, the Holy Spirit is a lifestyle, walking and talking with God is a lifestyle, learning, wisdom, righteousness, holiness are lifestyle words and God is teaching me that all my expectations are possible, but they don't just happen and they certainly don't happen on my timeline. Lifestyle also means that every place I go takes work and effort, I can't expect that because I show up I can bring my world into their world, that all my expectations will be met or that my learning environment will be the same. So, what else has God been teaching me? Two things stand out:
1) I am trying to learn what it means to go after God out of a place of rest:
When I first arrived all I wanted to do was worship, go deep, ask questions, learn, seek God, pray and meet new people who wanted to do the same. Since the start of the Discipleship Training School I have been trying to learn rest, to rest in God instead of striving after Him. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for going after Him, I actually think that you can pursue God out of your place of rest. Interesting concept that God is revealing to me daily. This leads me into the second one.
2) I am learning what my identity is in Christ
Who am I? I am a son of God, but what does that mean and what does that look like from Scripture? Do you find it revealing that Satan tempted Eve by saying "If you eat of the fruit, you will be like God." Is it not interesting that we already are like God? God said in Genesis 1:26 "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness." Be encouraged today, son or daughter of God :)

Australia

I just thought I would let you know that I put a "Donate" button on my blog page and I think I should explain why it's there. Honestly this is one of the most humbling things one can do, people who have asked for money for missions have told me that they have been humbled, blessed, challenged etc. just at the fact that someone would actually donate any amount of money towards what they have been called to do. I will tell you, I am no different. God somehow has used this method for so much good, not just in what the money will accomplish in the physical realm, but to bless the person/organization that receives that money. I have been changed by you, and I thank God for you every day. Don't we serve an awesome God? I think the next thing that I want to say may come out wrong and I'm not sure there are words to describe how strongly I feel towards this subject. So, here it goes: I believe without a shadow of a doubt that prayer is one of THE most important things we can do. Above anything else, prayer is how this world can change (if you missed my blog post on the phrase "changing the world", please read it if you would like to know in more detail what I mean by that). So, I ask for your prayers as I go to Australia. Here are a couple prayer requests:

1) That our team would bond, not only so that I may connect with the people I will be working with, but that we will be effective ministers to others.
2) Protection: Spiritual, because there is a devil who hates when God's work is done. Also, physical.
3) That God would give me a vision for my future and make His call on my life even stronger.

If you want to know more about my six month long Australia trip, please read my first blog post, its called: "1st blog post!!!!" or comment on one of my posts and ask me. Also, I will be keeping everyone updated with pictures and posts through this blog. So please keep reading! =)

I wrote this blog post about a month ago and I wasn't sure when I should put it on the internet. I think a lot of times people get the wrong idea about other people's passions, especially when it comes to religion. But for some reason I feel as though I need to clarify the reason I am going to Australia. Here it is!

I don't think I can tell you how excited I am to go on my adventure, the more I think about my trip to Australia the more over joyed I get. There is so much that is going to happen and all it will take is six months, six months for my life to be totally transformed. I'm not going to Australia so that I can have some life experience that I can look back on and tell my grand kids that I once did something that everyone should do when they are young and don't have anything to hold them back. As if saying, "if you have money and you have a desire to travel then you should do it while your young. Do it at a point in your life when the joys don't outweigh the costs." This is not why I am going to Australia, to fulfill some vague cry in my life that needs an adventure.

Let me tell you why I am going. I am going because I am totally in love with Jesus Christ, a love that can't be described, people will say they love God, but sometimes I wonder if it's possible to understand what is happening inside of me when I tell you that Jesus is my everything. At one point in my life, my everything was crying out for something that wasn't real, that wasn't life giving and I was filling those things with anything I could think of. How can someone understand love? Because I sure don't understand it, I can't quantify it and put it into some graph and add some numbers to it and be like "HERE!" X+Y=whatevertheheck. There are no words to tell you, I can't use some spectacular vocabulary or blow your mind with a unique idea. People have been writing about love for a long time, they put it into poems, into short stories, raps, rhymes etc etc etc.. But really, can we ever stop writing? Can we ever stop dreaming? Those questions are like asking if there is any end to God. I'll tell you, there is no end to God, just as there is no end to love, because God is love.

"I'm convinced that if you are not passionate with your relationship with Jesus, if you are not passionate about worshiping Him, it is because you don't know yet, how much He loves you. " - Kim Walker

Silence

Two blog posts ago I promised the internet world that I would take 10 minutes a day for 2 weeks and give God my silence. It's easier for me to give God time when I am with others, either time in community or time in a more public setting.  I think part of the reason is that I am an extrovert and its much easier to focus, learn and even create stillness within my mind when I'm around others. But when it comes down to spending time alone with God, it was difficult for me, and admittedly still is. There are days when I don't feel like setting aside a longer period of time, even 10 minutes, to spend with God. Note that I would try and have 10 minutes of silence in the morning before breakfast, here's how it went:

One morning would go really well, I would read Scripture and then just set my mind on God. Ask Him to quiet my mind and speak to me. I would feel God's presence, and He would start to allow His reality to take over mine. But the next morning, after being mentally and spiritually stretched the day before, the time I was about to give wouldn't seem as inspirational, or at least as meaningful. It took a lot of will power to take the 10 minutes of silence. I would come up with excuses, like: "Well yesterday went well, so I can skip a day." Or "I'm really hungry, so I'll make breakfast and then I'll take my quiet time." Of course procrastination just leads to more procrastination and then it's nighttime before I had any good alone time. "Good alone time". I think I am still struggling with what that statement means, because I believe that even in our not so profound moments with God, its still "good" because we spent it with God.

The next paragraph is what I wrote in my journal and have been learning over the last month and has only been reinforced with my little experiment over the past two weeks. It's something I believe to be true and will continue to go after as long as I live. My encouragement to you: try it! Give God some stillness and see what He does :)

There is something about stillness. I'm not sure I can put my finger on it, but God created it for a reason and when God is given your stillness, He uses it and responds to our effort. When you ask God to quiet your mind and your heart, it allows Him to sink in. For Him to become reality, its like He reveals His kingdom not just to you, but in you. You start to become filled with His wisdom, start to live a life centered on the only one worth centering your life on. The inner transformation of your life is critical and important to God. It's where God makes His home and His Spirit advises. Stop worrying about what your going to do tomorrow, focus on turning your inside into something that IS God's.

You know I'm not worth it

I woke up from a dream that I was struggling to remember, my thoughts were twisted around a couple phrases and all I could think of to say is "You know I'm not worth it." That thought played in my mind, but not the kind of play that is fun and inviting, but the other kind, when playful turns into the kids in your neighborhood laughing and mocking you. Making you feel lower and allowing your self esteem to talk to the rest of who you are. That thought and those words spoken in my bed that morning are a part of so many people and I am not too perfect to admit that I am above saying those words. Actually, it would be more fitting to say that sometimes I actually start to believe what comes through my head and out of my mouth. I have a thing when it comes to speaking. When I speak I believe that things become more real and if you prod my thinking even further, sometimes I'm afraid to talk because then what I say may become reality. And who really knows if what I say should become real? I think that this mostly is applied when it comes to my past, but speaking things can effect the future and failure in the future is something I do not want.

So, back to my original point, I said "You know I am not worth it." Of course I was talking to God when I said those words, making them somewhat of a reality. The next thought that popped into my head was: "Or do you?". I think it's interesting that it came in the form a question. I didn't get a reply that I was looking for, instead I got a question. It's kind of like Job, do you remember the story of Job? He lost everything around him, he lost all his livestock, home, money and then he lost his ENTIRE family all at once. If there was any person on the face of the earth that had a right to question God, it was Job. What was God's response? Questions, actually lots of questions. I'm sure Job was not expecting this type of answer, if he was expecting any answer it was surely not that. But that was it, and that's what I got: "Or do you?". I know that this question is much different from the ones Job received, but it's what I needed because it got me thinking. Does God really think that I AM NOT WORTH IT?? God was asking me, "Have you read Scripture? ANY Scripture at all!?!?" "Have you seen me do crazy things in your life?!" The answer is Yes to those questions and God's answer to you is YES. A big, emphatic, overemphasized, over the top, yelling at the top of His lungs, dancing in heaven, dancing in your heart and mind, absolutely, no doubt about it, if you ask again His answer is still the same: YES!!!! I didn't even think I was worth an answer in any form, I mean the God of the universe shouldn't have the time to answer me, right? It's funny, because Jesus and I are laughing together at the foolish thoughts of man. Be encouraged today :)

Discipline

I have recently been reading a book called "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard Foster. I would recommend this book to anyone, it is beautifully written and easy to understand. He takes his experiences and somehow puts them into words that I find other people can not easily do. He takes you on a journey, not only of his life, but of many other people as well that have taken these Disciplines and made them a lifestyle. He gives practical and meaningful steps, that if taken can lead to some breakthrough's and that is exactly what I need in my life. A breakthrough that lasts and is life giving, something that won't be here today and gone tomorrow. If you have been following my blog, I have talked about this "life giving" term before and it's something that I will be striving for, not just now, but hopefully my whole life. I am pretty certain that there is no climax to this life, as if some time in life is worth more or worth less than any other moment. That if I reach the climax, then life is over because it is all downhill from there. I am not looking for that type of life giving moment, I am looking for a life that is full of moments that lead into other moments because life doesn't just stop. Often, people say, if X happens in my life then I would die happy. I don't believe that, because there is so much to do, so much to experience in this life that there is no one moment that would make my life complete. Anyways, this book has challenged me to make Discipline not just a part of my life, but my actual life. And if I take what I believe, that Jesus is everything to me, then how can I take the Disciplines that Jesus laid out for us and not try it out? I mean, what do I have to lose?

So, for the next couple weeks I am going to take these Disciplines and put them in to practice. Now, in the book, Mr. Foster clearly states that there is no everything or nothing type of mentality. I often get overwhelmed when I think about living out Meditation, Prayer, Fasting etc. in my life to its full extent. As if I have to check off a list every time I do each one and if I'm not focusing my mind on something, then I have failed. It's not everything or nothing, it's something, actually its ANYTHING. I believe that God takes what we give Him and gives us a passion for more, that is, if we ask Him. So, I will ask God for a passion to spend with Him, ask Him for a passion to reading His Word and ask Him to speak to me through the time that I give. I will devote 10 minutes a day to quiet. That will involve:, prayer, reading Scripture and then just quieting my mind and focusing on God. And then I will update you guys on how it goes! =)

One quote from the book and something that I am excited to do:

 "The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that He can transform us."

Defining moments

Who are you? If I asked you that question, what would you say? How do you define yourself? I think sometimes I define myself by my moments, you know those moments I am talking about. The ones in which you put above all the rest, somehow you raise those times in your mind and when something happens in your life you automatically think of those "defining moments". I hate and love that term at the same time, because it is so easy for me to take a moment in my life and make it mine, something that I point to. When disappointment or failure reaches a climax, I have a moment that I think of  and bring myself back to. Telling myself I am no more than this failure or that height, as if I can't reach past it and if I do, I only grab air because there is nothing beyond it. There is no part of me that can possibly be beyond that moment because I have defined myself by it.

But there are other moments: do you have moments of inspiration when you feel as though you could rap, rhyme, create a beautiful sentence or just be creative? As though anything that comes through your head and out of your mouth is like poetry and its something unique, as if the world hasn't heard your thoughts or least those words put into a sentence in that particular way? And then what your write seems to be perfect and it allows your ego to talk to your head, making it bigger and probably bigger than what you expected or what it should actually be. Do you ever feel that way? But it usually ends somewhere, and then that big bubbly head of yours finds a thought that acts as a needle, bursting what you created. Let me tell you what I think about those words you created in your moment of inspiration. It wasn't just a moment and those words are not the only thing worth valuing. The inspiration and the canvas in which that poetry came from is beautiful and worth even more than that bubble you created. You are more than your inspiring moments and you are more than those words or thoughts.